I’m full today…full of memories, regrets, sad thoughts, happy thoughts, bad decisions, good decisions… the list is endless…and I am full of tears, so I sit and cry.
My little room in my retirement home is wrapped around me, there is a soft spring sprinkle on my window and I have just had a hearty meal of meatballs, green beans and potatoes…such good food here at my new home…yet there is a hunger inside me that is not satisfied. I am missing my husband. I had to make some big decisions this weekend and he was not here to support me. It is times like this I realize more than ever… I am a widow and I am alone.
There are three new books here beside me and shelves more to read at the Manor’s library, my Bible is nearby and its well worn pages give me insights into deeper thoughts but somehow today nothing satisfies.
I miss my husband’s laughter and the plans for tomorrow that we used to make. My tomorrows hold little excitement, because he is not here to share them with me. But life goes on and decisions for the future I have to make on my own. I am doing lots of praying.
Finally, I wipe my tears and admonish myself for my weakness. I have been going through old papers and the room is a mess. There taped on my little frig is a recent pick me up that I had run into…1st Thessalonians 5:16…”Be joyful always, pray at all times. Be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ.”
I recall that although it has been a difficult week, I have had coffee with friends this morning and made them laugh and I have already had several chats with the Lord and so thankful he is there to wipe my tears, dust me off and say…”It’s a nice day, now run away and play.”
So I run to the computer and share my heartache with you, knowing there are a few out there that have heartaches too and I pray God will comfort them and allow them to smile again, to pray some more and to thank him that joy, prayer and thanks are a part of our life in union with Him.